


Nailed It

by MishiTamashi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Flirting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 04:09:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1536983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MishiTamashi/pseuds/MishiTamashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave has a big dorky crush on Jane and is trying to woo her, flirt with her, and ask her out but words are hard and also in large quantities. He can only pray a sea of words won't drown her.<br/>---<br/>How could people right under your nose hit you so damn hard in it? That was one of the many questions that came to mind when Dave sat at the counter of a very familiar house. John’s place was way far up north in some straight-laced neighborhood, living some classic American idealism that died years ago with cousins having houses all around him like it’s their freaking breeding grounds. All youths with impaired vision and a personal vendetta against braces find your mates within the greater Washington area, oh and bring a parka because it’s typically freezing balls. Dave had met all of his cousins at least ten times over the span of their nine year friendship, three of those were strictly over the magic of the internet. That being said he’d met and spoken to Jane tons of times throughout his life, Jane’s father and John’s were twins. Two hot dads spitting out hot kids with their respective mates found within their family’s government assigned reservation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nailed It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mericorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mericorn/gifts).



How could people right under your nose hit you so damn hard in it? That was one of the many questions that came to mind when Dave sat at the counter of a very familiar house. John’s place was way far up north in some straight-laced neighborhood, living some classic American idealism that died years ago with cousins having houses all around him like it’s their freaking breeding grounds. All youths with impaired vision and a personal vendetta against braces find your mates within the greater Washington area, oh and bring a parka because it’s typically freezing balls. Dave had met all of his cousins at least ten times over the span of their nine year friendship, three of those were strictly over the magic of the internet. That being said he’d met and spoken to Jane tons of times throughout his life, Jane’s father and John’s were twins. Two hot dads spitting out hot kids with their respective mates found within their family’s government assigned reservation.

He really started to notice her a while back, sure she was a huge cornball and had funny jokes and liked old black and white movies with cheesy dudes with moustaches, a firm sign that she will be seeking a mate outside of the family grounds because these dudes are cleanly shaven. Though Dave didn’t have anything more than the sideburns that had filled in on the side of his face and he wasn’t looking to grow anymore mostly because wow how fucking stupid would he look with an actual mustache. Dave doubted he’d be able to make it a single yard into the neighborhood before he was tackled and shaved by neighborhood watch.

She laughed when he proposed that idea to her in fact, goddamn her laugh. It was loud as hell and just as charming, then again he mixed and made music so he was used to loud sounds. Girl took “lol” to a whole new level and those dimples encouraged him to cup her chin and kiss her but he didn’t. Nope not this guy. Totally keeping this hands to himself tucked all under his arms on the steadily warming countertop. Regardless of how smooth and soft her brown cheeks looked, that she was absolutely kissable with those full, painted lips that curled upwards at the edges completely unabashed.

No doubt her lipstick would smear but after living with two women that wore pitch black lipstick and didn’t care to spare any affectionate gestures you learn how to get the imprint off. Maybe not get Jane’s though seeing as he does look good in red after all. Parted lips showing the first glimpse of her teeth, white and not all that straight with prominent front teeth. Even with the laugh gone that smile remained, bright ass baby blues behind oval lenses focused on him first amused then a mahogany eyebrow rose and she spoke again. Shit.

“I’m sorry what’s up?”

“Distracted? You seem to be having quite the journey through space.” She pointed out, Dave shrugged and tapped the counter with the pad of his finger.

“Just thinking and kinda jet-lagged I guess. Does take a bit out of a guy going from the bottom of the country up to the top. It’s real windy here but at least I’m not getting bitch-slapped by fucking cedar pollen and I can breathe. I forgot what that was like it’d been so long.” He admitted and glanced down at her hand then contemplated on how he could go about asking her out. She never really showed any interest in him before and before this he hadn’t shown any in here but it was something to think on because obviously he’d ask her out in the suavest fucking manner possible. Complete with limited stammering and a little palm sweatage never killed anyone, all about pheromones and getting them up in the air you know. That’s the real secret behind asking hotties for nice peaceful stress-free walks through neighborhoods where their family resided and would be looking out their goddamn windows like you’re trying to kidnap one of their kin and raise them in an environment separate from the pack.

Alright so maybe something not so lame as a walk through the neighborhood, that’d be some kind of lameass date. Then again it might be all he could get, full grown woman or not Jane’s father was really protective over her. Understandably so, when you’ve got hot kids you have to take extra precaution, sorry son why don’t you just take a little meander through the neighborhood with my single pride and joy. You go for the gate and I’ll go for your shins. Yes sir, not a problem. I will keep my sweaty ass within the confines of your territory you don’t gotta tell me twice.

 “Oh? And I’m guessing you don’t care for sharing or taking a nap if you’re so tired.”

“What? No, I’m the guy that shares, sharing is caring and I care a whole bunch. Texas may be fucked up in a lot of different aspects but it’s south and generally Southerners are real nice and considerate. We give rides on long country roads and make pies for our neighbors and sweet old ladies give kids nickels like they’re supposed to act like they just won the lottery. Sorry granny this doesn’t buy as much as it used to. I’d need at least four more of these bad boys to get a gumball from the machine and even then it’d have to be a full quarter. At least I hope so, it could be fifty cents even then I don’t know what I’ll do. I mean I could ask but that’s just something that ain’t gonna happen and even if I did have all the nickels I needed to make such a transaction then I can’t get the full quarters I need. The clerk at the cash register doesn’t do that kind of thing and he might get fired if he tries. I’m going to need you to get with the time so I can actually turn this nickel into some profit. Don’t get me wrong I’m very appreciative I just don’t see how this is supposed to help me in any instance unless I run into one of those charity boxes with the cool tubes that take the coins down the winding paths and is designed to eat all your change for the sake of a little aesthetic joy which works really well-“ A glance over during the various hand gestures he was making showed that Jane was just watching him talk so Dave cut his ramble off shortly and finally answered her other question. “Plus I’m no lazy houseguest, no ma’am I do my part and clean up after myself and everything. I also do compliments, like that dress is really great. Pretty and flattering and all that clothing lingo that boils down to you looking great.”

With his little grin she giggled some and nodded, pulling at the fabric. “Well thank you very much! And it’s comforting to see more of a family resemblance between you and Dirk. He can go on quite the spiel in the middle of a conversation though it’s more impressive to see in person.”

“Cool. I’m all about impressions. I do some pretty awesome ones if I do say so myself. Impressive impressions,” Don’t rap, holy shit wow don’t rap. “Yeah so, those. Anyway why don’t you let me in on what I can help you get fixed up. Family reunion tomorrow right?”

Not so much of a family reunion for them as it is for the parts of their family that decided to separate off from the main herd and start up packs of their own in the other corners of the continent and building in strength and numbers as the years go on. At least luckily for Dave he’s secured his spot in the main branch of the pack and he can hopefully save his family and friends from becoming consumed by the slowly approaching disaster that will be upon them. This was all stuff that could be discussed later though, for now he had to continue gaining their trust and waited for her to think of some shit he could help her make for the big event tomorrow.

“We can start up the pudding and cakes then do the appetizers and prepare the rest for the grill while they cool and settle for decoration.” She offered and gestured Dave to the sink so he could wash his hands.

“Sweet, I can definitely do a pudding and I’m pretty good at marinating stuff for the grill. Let’s get crackin’.”

Dave wasn’t that much of a cooking or baking guy, he was pretty decent at it don’t get him wrong he didn’t burn often and hadn’t lately but Jane was really good at whipping shit together. While he stirred the pudding he watched as she moved comfortably around the kitchen. Cracking eggs like a certified pro, she’d had everything down to a science, one she didn’t need to assure herself on over and over again. She was focused but she wasn’t sweating it, and her arm too. He’d made cakes and everything before and sometimes turning the batter for a while made his arm hurt but he was confident she could whip that shit into mousse if she wanted (or if that was even how it worked) which was really awesome.

“How’s it going on your end?” She inquired.

Without missing a beat he replied, “Good puddin’,” When she looked up he waved a test spoon he’d dipped into it and stuck it in his mouth making her laugh lightly and glance back down at the bowl in her arms. Maybe jokes, some corny jokes. She’d be into that right?

“You know it’s cool to learn more about baking, plus I’m glad it’s you. I can butcher up some meat but you don’t want me to batter a cake.” Wow, abort that was fucking dumb. Try to save that. “This is from scratch and everything and it’s cool to see how to think outside the box.”

A dimple, yes good success. “For Bro’s birthday I tried to make him a Black Forest cake and, shit it was black alright. That think could’ve been used in a murder then what would I do? Mr. Velvet’s lookin’ a bit more red. I couldn’t even get rid of the evidence. I mean with any luck they’ll assume it’s coal and think the conductor is the one behind it all. I guess I could bury it but the carbon this thing would give off would,” Shit, wait yeah he as losing her. Completely flat-lining shut your damn mouth.

Keeping face he scrunched up his nose some and sighed internally. Jokes were a bust, what else does she like? What could she like? He doesn’t have the baking prowess and didn’t care too much for those things she liked. In the meantime this was pretty awkward he was sure they both felt it, and this pudding didn’t need to be stirred anymore so he could set it up in the fridge and everything so he did while he wracked his brain and came up with shit pretty much.

After placing the spoon in the sink he saddled up next to her while she poured the batter into a pan and tapped it on the counter to get out the air bubbles. “So, how do you feel about insanely light cardio? Like, walks or something. Around blocks to all the familiar houses that all look the same, except for that one mailbox that’s yellow and not white. For the rebels of the neighborhood but then again that’s more the yard and not the house and there is that one place with flamingos. They bought them so they could find their way home, no one really likes plastic flamingos you know? It’s just clutter that wears in the rain but yeah walks, walks with two chill people. Two hotties, the hotties being us. Nice windy, ceder pollen-free day should be walked on. Like a, I wouldn’t say, date, exactly because that’s some kind of bogus label but yeah date. A walking date like in the old country.”

Smooth as fuck, yes. Perfect. Even better she smiled at him and that was great. It was a good sign, smiles were universally good. It was probably all the pheromones, in fact he was positive that was exactly what it was. “Or lunch perhaps,” Came the offer, those lips curling back into a soft smile. “I’d be more than happy to replace a walk with lunch or both. Just not in this neighborhood,”

“Reduce the onlookers, yeah I’m all about that. I don’t need an audience, jotting down notes on my technique.”

Jane beamed now and pat his cheek before planting a kiss on the other. “Certainly not! It is irresistible.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know you wanted humor so I tried to interpret that through Dave's internal monologues I hope you liked it!


End file.
